It seems to me that some Quakers are of the opinion that at a Meeting for Worship, God in some way ‘compels’ a person to their feet, so that they might almost reluctantly offer vocal ministry. I argue that any expressions that imply this, or that imply that vocal ministry arises from ‘an action of God’, over and beyond ‘inner promptings’, seems to add further confusion to a human action, which arises from a human experience.
If a person is waiting for such an ‘action by God’ then perhaps it is not surprising that such a person rarely offers ministry. In the past I used to believe in a 'God out there', who directly intervenes in the affairs of his/her people. I have come to believe that the reality that I call ‘God’ does not intervene physically or directly in the affairs of his/her people. I believe that the important thing for Quakers is to trust that when a group of people trust in ‘the reality of God’ and choose to meet in silent worship, they can in truth, discern God’s will. By remaining faithful to the process of silent worship and by remaining open to ‘being guided from within’, the individual within the group, remains open to experiencing promptings of love and truth, which can be trusted as the leadings of God, and then the fruit of these promptings can be shared in vocal ministry.
If people are waiting for God to intervene, then it is little wonder that they do not trust the inner promptings of love and truth. Perhaps they wait to get an ‘all clear’ signal or the proverbial kick from behind, before they dare to get to their feet. If it is ‘fear’ that deters some people from ministering, to what is stirring within them, then this is surely a great loss to the Meeting. I think there is often too much emphasis on the 'ego' as a negative element of the personality. In my understanding the ego is more properly understood as the positive 'choice-maker' which each of us needs to respect, if we are to do anything challenging.
This ‘healthy making of an ego-choice’ is of course to be distinguished from 'ego centricity' which is what happens when someone acts as if they were the centre, or alternatively refrains from acting because of a fear of ‘appearing foolish’ or ‘out of step’ with the group. I have heard it said that much ministry is 'ego centric' – well I believe that to have a 'fear' that prevents us from trusting ourselves, is far more 'ego centric'. When a person accepts the challenge of ministering, even though what one ministers might be perceived by some as 'less than brilliant’ and when the ministry may even be criticised, to minister is extremely brave and I certainly would not call such a person 'ego centred'. ‘God’s gift was not a spirit of timidity but the Spirit of power, and love, and self-control.’ (2 Tim. 1:7).
I believe that any verbal ministry that comes from one’s deep centre, is desirable, especially when the one ministering has the sense of the content being relevant to more than just one’s own personal living. I believe that ‘shared worship’ should have a real element of sharing that which comes from 'that of God' in the lives of those gathered. I feel strongly that worship is about more than 'just drinking in' and privately valuing what comes to each person individually. It always surprises me when I hear people describe verbal ministry as being something exceptional; and it also surprises me that some people presume to just sit in silence without a sense that sometimes life or God may be calling them to share their insights with the gathered community. I am not suggesting for a moment that the time should be filled with verbal ministry, but that verbal ministry from a wide range of people should be truly welcomed. I appreciate also that for a wide variety of reasons some people will prefer to sit in what has been called 'Quaker Silence' and that to do so is perfectly understandable, and certainly desirable if they do not feel the promptings that lead other people to offer verbal ministry.
I know too that it is difficult for some people to stand up and offer verbal minister. However this is quite a different thing from a fear of having 'cold water' poured on one's fledging efforts. I feel that this could only happen unconsciously, and that anyone who has a responsibility for 'building up the Community'; and that is surely 'all of us', recognise the importance of being ‘a people of encouragement'. I believe that if expressions life 'daffodil ministry' should be carefully avoided, as this could be unkind and diminishing of a person's endeavours. I would argue that a single verbal ministry arising from the leadings of God, may help others to leave the Meeting House more determined ‘to do God’s will’ in building His Kingdom in Sheffield and beyond.
I wish to offer now, with some trepidation, my own experience of what it means to me when I offer verbal ministry. I offer this ‘written ministry’ carrying in my memory the question of George Fox: - ‘What dost thou say?’
I believe that in the final analysis a person does make an ‘ego choice’ in standing to offer verbal ministry and moreover that that’s the only way it can be. However before I make such a choice I am aware of thoughts, feelings and sensations that form part of my human experience. For me there has to be ‘something special’ about the way I am thinking and feeling and about the sensations experienced in my body before I do choose to rise to minister. I expect this ‘something’ varies from person to person, but I will endeavour to explain how it is experienced by me.
In the silence, while settling down, I try to get ‘as it were’ behind my ‘thoughts’. I do this initially by focusing on my breathing. I close my eyes to shut out the myriad of visual stimuli that surround me. Supprisingly, at this time I also actively become conscious of any sounds, smells, of other sense stimuli that are coming to me from inside or from outside the meeting room. I perceive this as getting consciously in touch with my environment. Having become aware to these stimuli around me, I then endeavour to gently let them go. I also become aware of the ‘sensations’ on the surface of my body, such as my back against the back of the chair and my feet on the ground etc. but I also become aware of the ‘sensations’ within my body, maybe movements in my digestive system or my heart beating as well as my breathing. I am not actively thinking but endeavouring to be simply present in the ‘now’ of the Meeting for Worship.
Within this frame of reference, I become conscious of feelings that I locate as being in my guts. I acknowledge these, without focusing on them. Thoughts move across my consciousness too. I endeavour not to hold on to these but rather to let them flow on. As I breathe I do something that I have practiced over time: – I breathe ‘as it were’ into my head and I breath ‘as it were’ out through my guts. In this way I endeavour to keep a link between what goes on in my head (my thoughts) and what goes on in my guts (my feelings). I imagine the ‘heart region’ as being the place of integration between thoughts and feelings. I perceive the breath as moving silently up and down past my heart. I perceive myself as being actively present, but endeavouring not to think or to feel anything in particular.
A particular insight might come to me ‘fairly directly’ or ‘triggered’ by something I have listened to in someone else’s ministry. I let this insight ‘mull about’ for a time; sometimes it crystallizes into a clear idea. I become aware of what I am ‘thinking’ and of what I am ‘feeling’. Sometimes the idea forming has relevance just for me personally; at other times it may concern an issue of love or truth that seems to have a wider relevance, one that may be potentially helpful to others, on their journeys.
Now, a question, as to whether I will stand up and minister this idea, presents itself to me. I choose to wait and to focus on my bodily sensations. When it is that my heart beats faster, or other sensations are clearly experienced in my body, I take it as a sign that something bigger than my ‘ego’ is somehow at work, and that maybe I should minister what has come to me? I know, for a fact, that I cannot just choose to make my heart beat faster so when it does happen, depending on the time within the meeting and the nature and timing of other ministries, I’m aware that I need to make a choice as to whether I stand up or not. Usually when the sensations continue, and when the timing seems appropriate, then I do make the choice to stand up and minister. I do not give too much thought to the exact words that I am going to use, but I usually have a clear sense of what it is that I am going to say. I see this as trusting the promptings of love and truth, as the leadings of God. When this is the case I usually stand up and offer verbal ministry.
So to go back to where I started: When I do stand up to minister I know that the choice comes 100% from me, having been guided however by ‘leadings’ and prompted by sensations within my body. I’m sure that I can get it ‘wrong’, though I believe that if I do my best to respond, as mentioned above, then there is no real ‘getting it wrong’. At worst I might just bore some people for a few minutes, but one way or the other I learn further about my inner processes of discernment, and how to trust the promptings of love and truth in my heart. I trust that something of what I offer may strike a chord with a number of people. Feedback, after the meeting, sometimes helps to clarify for me that, some at any rate, recognise it in this way.
Deo Gratias.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
No comments:
Post a Comment